it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
