I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
