"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
