you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
