Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
