I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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