I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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