if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize