Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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