she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
