I can text with my tongue
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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