I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
