Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
