Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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