just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my shit smells like andre
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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