We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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