Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
