idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
