Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
