I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
