Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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