our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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