Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
