He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
