btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
