girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
