Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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