I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
