i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
