I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
