You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
