quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he wants to bone in the snuggie
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
