I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
