Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
