The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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