Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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