P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
