carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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