I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
