none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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