If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
