Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize