So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I touched a dick in church today
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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