Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
