You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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