i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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