So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
