I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
