please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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