Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
