She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone came in the potted fern
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
