I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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