I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
