I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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