he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
