So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
pop tarts are not kleenex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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