my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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