Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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