he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
