how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
