I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
