Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
