In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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