My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
