never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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