you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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