you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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