Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize