If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
