My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
