Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I stole a fireplace last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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