I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
