If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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