Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
