Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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