The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
